Baby Boy #3

so 3’s a charm I suppose 🙂  On August 10th, 2011, on the 10th day of Ramadan, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy alhamdu lillah…my 3rd boy :).  Sufian Ahmed Naiem  🙂 

Needless to say, up until that moment, I was thoroughly, utterly petrified.  I tried not to think about it by busying myself (perhaps too much), but the night before my scheduled delivery, I panicked.  Every fear I had when I first found out I was pregnant, and suppressed as best as I could for the last 9 months, came back to haunt me – The fatigue, the nursing- God the nursing! – those first few weeks make everything else look like a walk in the park!  the lack of sleep, how the surgery would go, the recovery, how the other boys will react/adjust, how would I do it with 2 other crazy boys, especially as the new school year comes upon us – new school, new teachers, new baby – big adjustments

Then, add to that, you’re inundated with all that’s wrong with the world on a daily (hourly?) basis.  After a while, ALL you can think about is how you will manage to raise 3 boys with some sense of self and deen, and self respect…and respect for others (and if I’m lucky enough, maybe some table manners as well :)).  I cannot tell you how, but all these things, and more, overcame me at once, and I was basically paralyzed by the fact that I don’t really have a choice in the matter.  This little guy is coming out whether I’m ready or not. 

It wasn’t until I saw him that I felt a sense of relief.   It’s amazing how quickly you can be consumed with love for someone you’ve just met – just laid eyes on for a fraction of a moment.  You fall in love for all the typical clichéd reasons – yes they are a part of you, a piece of you, for being a part of  the ‘miracle’ that is childbirth.  No one can deny that of course.   But for me – it was a moment, however brief, of really connecting with my Creator.  Being in the presence of absolute purity – absolute innocence.  It’s overwhelming when you realize what exactly that means.  Absolute.  From that moment on…the outside world takes over, for better or for worse.  But for those few moments – you’re witnessing Greatness in it’s most beautiful, simple form.  And in that precise moment, you find ease and contentment.  Yes, it’s quickly over-shadowed as the nausea from the anesthesia overcomes you 🙂  but it’s in these moments we find reminders, reassurance –  contentment. 

I won’t lie, I’ve panicked and cried since.  I came home to 2 little boys with stomach viruses, and had my moments of self-doubt.  I’ve been overwhelmed, sometimes I’m STILL overwhelmed, and I’m sure that will come and go in the weeks to come.  But in those brief moments, Allah (swt) inexplicably gave me what I needed to carry me through whatever is to come iA.  Somehow I just felt better – and knew that on some level iA all would be ok…

So, welcome to this world Sufian.  You are a reminder of all that is good and pure and beautiful.  You are a pathway to my Creator – a reminder that absolutes do exist in this dunia – even if ever so briefly.

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9 thoughts on “Baby Boy #3

  1. Woooooow,it’s absolutely amazing!! Bgad erta7t awiiiii after I read wat u wrote coz sometimes I get this feeling, b far2 tb3an en I will b having 2 only not 3 😀 but still, somtimes I panic w a3od as2al nafsy, how will I handle leila AND a baby??!! Wat a relief bgad! 😀

    Hala, he’s sooooo ADORABLE msA allaho akbar 3lih, rabena ye7meeh w ykhaleeholko w yeg3alo zoreya sale7a isA..kisses to alll of u..XoX

    Reply
    • simsim you’re pregnant???? oh my god alf mabrook!! I miss you so much. Call or email or skype me if you ever want to talk. Seriously, it’s so scarey having kids. I feel like I’m still a kid myself!

      Reply
  2. Thanks so much ladies! Please keep us in your du3aa. Wishing you and your beautiful families tons of baraka and blessings during this amazing month. Much love from your friend and sister 🙂

    Reply
  3. Wow you made me laugh and cry within seconds!! It was an amazing excerpt!! You brought me back to the day I gave birth! It is totally amazing! May Allah swt protect you and give you strength every day! Your boys are beautiful mashallah!!!

    Reply

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